HOME.

I said in my heart, “I’m home”.

I cannot believe that I am actually here. I need at least 2-3 days to process that I. AM. HERE. I am in New York. The Empire State. The Big Apple. The City that never sleeps. The City that I’ve only seen on T.V. The City that I have dreamed of exploring the last year and half. I am here. I am in New York.

I am excited to plant myself here. I am excited to grow here. I am excited to disinter my dreams, to dig up what has been placed in my heart since the beginning of time. I am excited to explore the unknown and make connections that I would have never thought of making. I am excited to see all that unfolds before my eyes.

I am excited to explore the 5 Boroughs of the City: Brooklyn, Manhattan, Bronx, Staten Island, and Queens. I am excited to explore every neighborhood and park of New York: Times Square, Union Square, Harlem, Central Park, Washington Square Park, etc. I cannot wait to dive into the culture of people, to get a taste of their everyday life and everyday food. I will immerse myself and soak up every single experience & absorb what everyday life will teach me. I am ready to be a student and learn.

A couple of weeks ago I saw a quote that says,

“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”

I came across that same quote again yesterday. This time it did something to me in my heart.

ex·plore – to search into or travel in for the purpose of discovery

In this blog and in my previous blog one of the words that has been reoccurring is “explore”. Here is why: I have been in this place of exploring, examining, and searching out in order to discover more of who I am. I am continuously stepping out even when I don’t see the first step to the staircase, being brave and fearless and willing to go into the unknown. It has been my life the last month and half. Besides exploring the many cities and states that I have been, I’ve also been exploring my relationship with God and exploring my relationship with myself. What I believe and the core values I’ve chosen to live by are being put to the test. As the different truths that I believe are being challenged, I have been asking myself, what I consider, “the hard questions”. So far, it has been quite the journey… the journey I would have never taken if I was home because home is a place of familiarity and I am comfortable there.  

I think I have come to the conclusion that this journey is not just about traveling “alone”, checking dreams off of my dream list, or sightseeing. This journey is more than that. This journey is MY journey. This journey is about Kamilah, it is all about me. It is asking myself the hard questions, becoming one with my heart again, figuring out who Kamilah is in her fullness, becoming stable & stronger, growing in my identity. It is unbecoming what I thought I should be or what people have said I should be. It is unlearning what fear, doubt, and lies have taught me. I guess in short I am exploring to “find myself”, as people would say. Or I am “finding my personal legend”, as it says in one of my favorite books entitled “The Alchemist”. 

I am on the journey. And to be honest, the journey never really ends. So I am enjoying and embracing every good moment and every “bad” moment.

I am becoming.

SIGNED,

The fearless one

Peace&Love <3